Little Fruit Bats
by Bawgdan
Summary: No longer being able to keep her head above water, Connie withdraws from college and moves back in with her parents. Rekindling old relationships and lacing together new ones. People never really change. They only become older, sadder, and wiser. (Drabbles)
1. Chapter 1

_**C**_ onnie had come to the bitter realization that her twenties had been just as, if not more, confusing than puberty. Everyone had the answers when her legs were crossed. Like the instructions on the back of a box of tampons. While she was confined to a desk for eight hours.

She didn't feel like an adult. Not even while burning holes between the blurred lines of her eviction notice. She was still that thirteen year old girl in ruined panties. Her legs were longer and her hips wider. Thickened brows and her nose seemed pointier. An impossible flower that grew in the dark. With full petals, but deeply planted in the soil of her thoughts.

Connie Maheswaran. 22 and a senior in college. Still waiting on a text from a guy who made nice promises. Curled up in the back of her mother's car, daring herself not to look outside the window. Something about the past made her stomach turn. The thin trees painted themselves against the screen of her phone and the faintest reflection of sun light inspired a shutter from her shoulders.

"You're gonna be so behind, Connie..." Priyanka breathed as if she'd been holding her breath the entire car ride.

"I need a break."

"In the middle of your last semester?"

It wasn't melancholy that had emptied itself in Connie's gut. It was that missing light bulb adults were supposed to get. That high after buying the first pack of cigarettes legally. That feeling, she thought, was supposed to have lasted. 22 years old and she still found herself looking for castles in the clouds. Believing the poetry within lies because every boy was a potential prince. Regarding stars as little sleeping diamonds too pretty to belong anywhere plainly. She hated her spirit and wanted to sleep for at least three months. More than that if it allowed her to wake up with all the answers.

"You could've called if you needed money," Priyanka picked and picked and picked...

And Connie withdrew into a silence that matched the lingering sunset. It poured itself between the wispy palm tree and wasted in the car a nice golden orange.

No text from that guy she'd done more than kiss. Not even a heartless 'Hi'.

The car pulled into the driveway The lurch as Priyanka halted and shifted gears had been the kindness gesture Connie had received in months. As her face collided with the back of the passenger seat, it shook tears she'd been holding for too long. _Big girls weren't supposed to cry._

* * *

 _ **"The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides." ~ Audrey Hepburn**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is completely AU and I'm aware some of the canon will evolve. I had this story on my mind for a loooong time and I had to get it out of my system. I wanted to focus more so on the regular mundane lives of all the side characters in SU. So this will be a collection of drabbles detailing their little lives.**

* * *

 **The world**. The universe escaped Lars and he remained under a black and white film. Everything was bland and ugly. It had been that way for while.

 _"Pain is only temporary. I promise!"_ Steven had said to him in passing. It was the night Sadie had decided that she was too big for Beach City. Too big for Delmarva and the ocean.

That night clung to him like cigarette smoke. A residual haunting that kissed at his cheeks every night before he closed his eyes.

But Lars had never cried about it. He was too angry. At Sadie for leaving him. At himself for not finding pinks and blues endearing. For being selfish and not caring. It had been too long for him to even think about fixing his attitude. It was safer to be mad. Easier to scowl at absolutely nothing.

Lars looked down at his watch. Hissing between his teeth as he wondered if he could get away with coming back from his lunch break ten minutes late. Or if he could quit for the tenth time. The Big Donut wasn't going anywhere and Beach City didn't have a rapid heartbeat. Everything stayed even and the same.

 _"Like a tapestry and all its perfect threads._ " That's what Sadie used to say.

He wedged himself between two gaudy floral stands. Hunched over as he smoked a cigarette. Blending in with the red and yellow petals. He absorbed the whistling of the wind chimes, squinting at his faint reflection in the glass window of the shop across the street.

"Gotta love Sunday mornings..."

"Yea. Right." Lars muttered. Shifting his posture and heaved a cloud of smoke.

"If you frown any harder you might break your face, Lars." She uttered sweetly and Lars then looked up to protest. Jenny peeked around a huge bouquet. Beaming bright enough as the wind licked at her golden earrings.

"I will be sure to remember that," He allowed a long silence to fill the space between them, but Jenny did not move. Her shadow gently draped him and the sun wasn't so hot.

"Would free pizza make you smile?"

"Since when were you so generous?"

"C'mon Lars. We're not in high school anymore." And it wasn't a well kept secret to anyone what had happened between Lars and Sadie. Rumors were like shooting stars in Beach City.

Lars said nothing and continued to smoke away the last of his cigarette. Turning away from Jenny. Completely ignoring how well she looked dressed in sunlight.

"Well the offer doesn't expire," She shrunk under the wild flowers as she stepped away from him. Feeling a slight against her ego, but reminded herself that one cannot be kind to those who aren't kind to themselves.

"I'll be there until nine tonight. Just drop in."

Jenny whipped around, but gave him one last sweeping gaze. She imagined them as kids and just how little she paid him any attention. Lars hadn't changed at all, but that's what the Beach City inhabitants were good at. Staying the same. Never leaving with only a few exceptions. Despite the many moon rocks that collided against their small world.

 _'Maybe Sadie did the right thing.'_ She thought to herself as she strode into the sleepy streets. Not once looking back at Lars.

* * *

 _ **"There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald**_


	3. Chapter 3

_You never know what you have until its gone._

And Connie never realized how much she missed the ocean. She spun the car keys around her fingers. Eyes closed as she inhaled the saltiness. It trigged memories she'd forgotten about, but at the same time it felt brand new. They were small memories. Little patches of stories without beginnings and ends. Rocks that fells from the sky and lived on the ocean floor.

Why she had been in such a hurry to leave? Beach City seemed like the answer to all her problems. Why she allowed herself to feel so stagnant in a place filled with precious gem stones? Beach City was the same and that was its purpose. Connie had warped and shifted in such odd directions, that she didn't feel like she belonged on the beach. She was a familiar tourist that had buried her heart in the sand. A plain city that hid sparkling secrets. It was perfectly cliche.

Sweet plucks of a ukulele coupled with steady hums rocked with the ocean.

Connie let go of the prince that refused to save her. She let go of her apartment and dwindling grades as she followed the harmony. It inspired that old faith she had when she was 12.

Fate lead her to the chapter in her life that she'd stop reading. It was the first time she regretted not finishing a story.

Wild spiraling curls shoved into a hair band. Spiraling curls that struggled to be free. A broad back touched by the sun. Connie knew exactly who it was, but struggled with her guilt. She balled her fists at her sides. The keys clicking in her grip.

She opened her mouth to call his name but couldn't find it in her heart to speak.

A hunched over Steven felt that he wasn't alone. He stopped picking at his ukulele and lingered on a single note. Straightening his back as he looked over his shoulder.

"Connie!" He smiled, but it wasn't the same smile that lived in her memories. Connie hesitated.

"You cut your hair!?" A wide eyed Steven stood up and brushed at the sand on his shorts. He looked down at her with happiness, but it didn't make her feel good. Something was missing.

Her silence alarmed him, and his nose wrinkled.

"Okkkaaayyy?" He laughed and her tense shoulders fell.

She was expecting to be swept up into him, but it didn't happen. She wanted him to squeeze the sorrow that lived in her body. Steven stayed six feet away from her. It felt like six miles. He was happy to see her but he wasn't the same Steven she left a long time ago.

He was tall and hulking. With the same gentle eyes, but they didn't sparkle at the idea of her. That's what was missing. He didn't light up under her spell and his cheeks didn't burn as she looked him in the eyes. Beach City was the same, but Steven's sentiments were that of a man long moved on.

"I knew you'd come back," He spoke once more, and this time Connie mustered the courage to respond.

"I had no choice," She suspired.

"OH? Well we missed you."

"We?"

"Me and the ocean."

She thought of Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, and Peridot. A storm of questions sat in her chest, but she didn't deserve the luxury of comfort around him. It would be too soon and she had yet to apologize.

"I'm sorry," She retained a smile but her heart broke.

Steven didn't speak. He simply shrugged his large arms. Lightly shaking his head and his tangled hair. He looked a lot like Rose, from all of what Connie had seen in gorgeous fixtures.

"We all make mistakes, yea?" He sighed and she resisted the urge to hug him.

It was weird. She wasn't used to an unforgiving Steven. Maybe that was part of growing up. Maybe she never took his feelings seriously. Either way, she deserved all of what he concealed.

"Do you accept my apology?" Connie lowered her head sheepishly. Her hair spilling around her face as her glasses slid to the tip of her nose.

"Maybe," Steven stepped forward and placed a warm hand on her shoulder," In due time."

The gestured caused her to look up and witness his smile. She took in all his minor differences. Like his stretched ears and glistening gauges. How his slight sideburns curled from under his head band.

Connie stood on the tips of her toes and tossed her arms around his neck. Steven reciprocated and tangled his arms around her small frame. Still holding his ukulele. Still unsure. It was obvious in how loose his arms were.

"You should come speak to the fam bam," He whispered loud enough for her to hear. Not letting her go.

"I'd love that. I'd love that alot, Steven."

Steven released her and she slipped from his arms.

"I'm sure you remember the way?"

"Not that much has changed. Of course."

And she took it upon herself to lead him. Her steps eager and quick. She could feel his eyes on her back and she couldn't decide if she liked it or if she should be embarrassed. He didn't speak to her as they walked towards the beach house. It was the longest two minutes worth of silence. Connie didn't like this new Steven. She wanted him to shrink in size and gaze at her as if she'd been the missing puzzle piece to his life.

"I wish I could remember our last conversation," She stopped holding her breath.

"I don't," Steven sucked his teeth.

"It wasn't that bad, Steven."

"That's the thing. It wasn't that bad or that good. It was hardly anything."

"So you remember?"

"In small pieces," His voice trailed off. Her joy waned.

"Steven..." She could no longer swallow his bitterness.

"Connie!?" A familiar voice shouted a few feet ahead and Connie turned on her heels.

Amethyst dreamily stood at the top of steps. Arms folded and her eyes were bright enough, Connie could see them glisten from a distance.

"Yep!" Steven yelled back with less enthusiasm.

Amethyst shrieked and darted for the front door. Her hair whipping at her hips as she screamed for Pearl. Connie looked at Steven as he brushed past her.

"Steven..." She said his name again and he stopped.

"Yea?"

"We need to talk. At some point. Maybe not right now, but soon."

Steven's eyes darted from her to the beach house. The sun was setting and the windows were glowing a bright yellow. He looked as though he were contemplating something mean, something sad. His thick brows furrowed and his lips wrinkled.

"I got you, but don't keep Pearl waiting."

* * *

 **"Our backs tell stories no books have the spine to carry."~ Rupi Kaur**


	4. Chapter 4

"I didn't think you'd come."

"I wasn't going to..." Lars licked at his finger tips.

Jenny shrunk into her seat. Legs crossed beneath the table, her sandal dangled from her foot as she rocked her thighs.

"Don't make me regret a nice gesture," She bit back and her eyes never strayed from Lars. He chewed away at the remaining crust, not caring to look up at her.

A natural silence crept between them. Lars swallowed loudly. Jenny cringed internally. The tile floors reflected the setting sun. The light gently engulfing Lars as his shadow embraced her brown shoulders.

"Thanks," He muttered, seeming to finally acknowledge her good deed. His lips spread into a smile.

"You're welcome, Lars."

Jenny's eyes dropped into her lap and she began to wonder why she had invited him in the first place. Most of her didn't think he'd come, but he had no reason not to. She smoothed out the wrinkles in her sun dress, slightly shifting her posture. Her sandal fell from her foot but she made no strives to slip her toes back into its strap.

 _Impulse. Curiosity. Her liking of gossip. Her general interest in people._

"So how's life?" Jenny looked up and met his wide eyed gaze. Her heart sank into her stomach.

"Same shit different day," Lars made a face. Jenny sucked in her cheeks.

"It couldn't be that bad," She replied hastily to mask her sudden bashfulness.

"It's not bad but I'm sure as hell indifferent to it," And his bitterness didn't go unnoticed. Lars sat up in his chair, resting his chin in a hand.

"Aren't we all though?"

"Who knows..."

She was searching for something in him that wasn't there, but she pressed on like the ocean reaching for the shore.

"I guess it all depends on your sense of humor," Jenny released an empty laugh.

"Too bad I don't find most things funny," Lars stood up and stretched, "I can't smoke in here can I?"

Her feelings were hurt, but thankfully his shadow shielded her disappointment. She shook her head and looked off behind him dreamily.

Lars glared down at her and seemed to hesitate, "Thanks again."

Jenny pushed back from her chair to stand and reach for his dirty plate.

"Always. I'm always here if you need a friend!" Because all of hers had scattered. She'd never admit that she was somewhat lonely.

"Sure," Lars said absently.

Another silence with a thickness that could smother them both. Jenny didn't know if she should push or tug. _Let this fish go and hope for another_.

Lars lingered at the fullness of her lips, scowling only slightly. With a thought in the back of his head, but it went just as fast as it came. So he decided to say nothing. Jenny had always been pretty, but he she'd always seen right through him.

"Come back whenever," She chirped sadly.

"I will."

"Promise?" Her voice shook with some kind of desperation.

"Yea. I'm no liar."

The restaurant, it's four walls held an audience of ghosts. Ghosts of their past. Ghosts that ached with bad memories. Ghosts that whispered those few good times. Vices, hopes, and things they've both let go.

Jenny didn't wear her tragedy, but she found an empty place to build her next project. For the sake of her boredom. She planned to scoop out his sweet innards like child scraping in a tub of ice cream.

And with a nod, Lars receded like the ocean. Leaving Jenny at shore with her disorganized thoughts and jaded perspectives.

* * *

 _ **"You are a woman. Skin and bones, veins and nerves, hair and sweat. You are not made of metaphors. Not apologies, not excuses." ~ Sarah Kay**_


	5. Chapter 5

_"I got accepted!" Sadie's eyes reminded Lars of puddles, in a way that made him feel bad. Her look was different from when they were 16. She'd gaze at him almost critically, and his kisses seemed to only ghost over her._

 _"Really?" He was shocked, not because he didn't think she'd get into nursing school. Sadie was smart and had saved up for a long time. Lars was shocked because he didn't realize how much it mattered up until that moment. Sure, he listened to her dreams and watched her pour herself into community college, but he never stopped to think that she would actually leave him. Secretly he'd been testing her ever since he noticed the waning twinkle in her eyes vanish._

 _"You don't sound so excited," Sadie swallowed and stopped waving the paper in his face. She fell over on her designated spot in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Thinking happily how she'd miss his posters and smell._

 _"So you're really going to do this? Is this really what you want?" His lips were dry._

 _"Yea?" Sadie quirked a brow and they both laid next to each other staring at the ceiling fan._

 _"Then_ _ **yay**_ _," Lars drawled with a glint of contempt that wasn't necessarily directed towards her. But his worst flaw, what she hated the most about him, was his uncanny ability at projecting his own insecurities onto other people. Lars would see his 'idea's and 'assumptions' before actually allowing himself to witness the valley that made up her spirit. The wind that swept her dreams up into the sky like dandelion seeds. How far the hills stretched into her personal growth._

 _"Yay," She breathed back at him, completely rolling on her side so her back would face him. At that moment, she then made up her mind that she wasn't in love with him anymore and didn't exactly know how to say it. As if there really was a nice way to say something like._

 _It was funny how the world always seemed to stand still, but the concepts that lived inside a single person were always evolving and Sadie had evolved._

 _Lars stood still. Like the Earth waited for the sun to fall to see the moon._

* * *

 **"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." ~ Marilyn Monroe**


	6. Chapter 6

Steven wasn't going to wake up and decide that he still had feelings for her. That's not how things worked when it came to her luck. Connie collected karma the way bees collected honey. Good and bad luck. She always got what she deserved, and sometimes that was a good thing. And she was incredibly aware of how selfish she had been; to expect so much from Steven with only two hours worth of coexisting.

They weren't a complete entity anymore, and she desperately craved feeling whole again. It was silly to think they could even recapture their preteen innocence. It was downright silly and stupid and tragically upsetting. They were both too deep in adulthood for that. She discovered how steeped she was in being an adult the moment she couldn't muster a sigh for the setting sun.

And that was what she wanted to tell Steven. How the small things weren't so enchanting anymore. The stars were still pretty but she couldn't find the time to watch them. She wondered if it was the same for him.

Was he just as sullen about the way things eventually turned out?

Pearl held her face for an hour and Connie had never battled her tears so tediously. Amethyst danced around them, shedding the stars trapped in her hair. Garnet knew better and didn't miss the way Steven wandered to his room. She wasn't receptive to Connie at all, and Connie wasn't sure if that was just Garnet being her usual self or if she'd rightfully taken Steven's side.

Pearl's excitement was exhausting, and not in a celebratory sense. There were questions without answers. Looks that cut through Connie like a strike of lightning from all three of the gems. The conversation left her breathless and tired.

On her last leg, she received three rings from Priyanka and decide to stop holding her breath.

"I should get going," Connie ached.

"So soon...but you're here again for good? Right?" Pearl blinked and Amethyst leaned around her. Connie paused so that she could consume the moment for a long long time ago.

"You still remember how to wield a sword?" Pearl urged her once more.

"Is it possible to forget?"

They shared a smile.

"I should say bye to Steven," And saying that felt weird. The last time she said bye to him foreshadowed many events that could've been worse than death. Or perhaps she was just being dramatic.

"In his room," Garnet's voice startled all three of them. It was the first time she spoke in all of the two hours. A lump formed in Connie's throat. Her heart was trying to escape her body.

x

Connie swallowed five blades. Her own arms holding her as she repented for all her vanities.

"Steven?" She called from the other side of the door.

"It's not locked," He responded flatly.

She shrunk herself in size before pressing her weight against his door. And as she stepped into the other side, she shed layers upon layers of her pride.

Steven laid in his bed, staring at his ceiling with a look of passionate indifference. His brows were low and thick. His upper lip curled.

"I didn't want to leave without saying good bye," This time around.

"How thoughtful of you," His voice was low and unconcerned. He wouldn't turn to look at her.

She stood in the door way still holding herself. He said nothing comforting, but what did she do to deserve closure?

Maybe tomorrow, a week from now, or maybe even a month it will be better.

"I'm really home for good," She tried but his response wasn't necessarily what she was looking for.

"People can't make messes, leave them behind, and expect the ones they hurt to clean it up for them."

"You're right, Steven."

She needed to leave. As fast as she could. Her phone rang again and that was her curtain call.

"I gotta get going."

"Ok."

"Bye."

And she left without his goodbye.

So this must be what it feels like. Connie thought, but she was out of tears. That was a fortunate thing too. There would've been no way she could've walked past Pearl and Amethyst with a wet face. She would not have been able to flee past the moon settling above the ocean. Her arms would not have been able to open the door and her legs would not have thrown themselves into the car. She would've died on the beach. Face first until she curled up and withered in the sand.

Connie would not have made it home if her tears hadn't been on empty.

X

x

Steven thought about Connie coming back for years. He'd anticipated the moment, but she just so happened to be better at letting things go. She never called, but she never promised that she would.

It wasn't like he had imagined at all and the words he had stacked just for that moment escaped him. He was supposed to forgive. Reopen that door and fix it's broken hinges just for her. But seeing how much the seasons had weathered her away, and just how different she looked, he couldn't find it in him.

Anger got the better end of him.

Perhaps it was a bad thing that she had decided to come back. His anger started an affair with guilt.

It was easier to be mad at her because he honestly did not possess the desire to talk about his feelings. Largely because he thought he'd gotten over them a year or so ago.

To think, a point and time ago he wanted her in his room. Upset and just as guilty as he'd been at the moment. Ready with all those things he had planned to say if she ever did.

And they were gone like Rose. Without a trace. Not leaving the faintest trail for him to expand upon.

* * *

 **"I will never fail to inflate my lungs for you when you're a hundred miles deep, heading headfirst towards a telephone pole - screaming - because you have pulled out all your own brakes."~ Shinji Moon**


	7. Chapter 7

_"Pearl, I'm scared..."_

 _Five pops tore through the sky. Hot stars of indigo, emerald, and lilac flickered down and out. They reminded Pearl of shootings stars, but she wondered why humans made wishes on them. Especially since they made their own fake stars. Fireworks. That's what they called them._

 _But where was the fire?_

 _Pearl looked up at Rose and then her eyes fell onto her large stomach._

 _"You scared? I think you're just nervous," Pearl sometimes lost the true Rose within her own ideas. And she knew it was a selfish. Yet she couldn't quite help it, "Like before any battle."_

 _"No. I'm terrified," It grew inside of her and she likened being pregnant with vines that grew around her bones._

 _The humans screamed 'Happy New Year' up and down the beach. Some sprinting into the ocean while others twisted themselves around each other. Three more pops shook the horizon and this time the colors were gold and white._

 _There was a silence between them. The cheers and vehement claps drowning out their very similar thoughts._

 _ **Where was Greg?**_

 _ **Rose was a warrior. Not a flowerbed.**_

 _ **But it's too late now. Too late to do anything else.**_

 _"They say you're supposed to kiss someone for the New Year," Peal finally spoke and Rose looked down at her. Her eyes resembling the darkness of the ocean and the sprinkles of light shooting across the tides._

 _"And I think that sounds silly. What makes a kiss today different from the one yesterday."_

* * *

 _ **"You are terrifying and strange and beautiful, someone not everyone knows how to love." ~ Warsan Shire**  
_


	8. Chapter 8

Jenny had always been the that in-between kind of girl. The kind of girl who could run her fingers through ashes and flowers would grow.

She always made something out of nothing. Her mind would leap and do laps until she over thought a hole into her imagination. _**Always**_ , she would sit and think to herself does he love me? Does he think about me as much as I allow myself to think about him? Am I the one?

She was an ocean wide enough for people to sink into but never pretty or blue enough for them to stay.

But it was always her fault. She made the messes and laid in them because she was a grown woman now and it was time to take accountability for leaving her window wide open for just anybody.

"You're staring off into space again," Kiki hummed. Flipping through a magazine. Balancing the pages on her large belly. Jenny slouched in her seat and narrowed her eyes at the muted television. They'd been sitting idle in the waiting for what felt like centuries. Among other pregnant women. And sobbing children.

"I hate waiting. Especially in a doctor's office," Jenny's tongue massaged the roof of her mouth.

"You're not the one seeing the doctor," Kiki frowned.

"It smells like cotton balls and bad news."

"So that's what you've been thinking about so hard? Cotton balls and bad news _huh_?"

Kiki always got it right the first time. It was strange how they shared the same womb for nine months but didn't carry any similarities outside their physical appearance. Jenny made bad decisions and loved guys who didn't deserve her.

Kiki abstained from pleasurable sins. She was patient and meek. And her heart remained in one place.

Jenny used to be jealous, but she learned that Kiki was worthy of all the happiness she had yet to discover for herself. There was virtue in being quiet and small.

x

x

Smoke curled over Lars's upper lip and he inhaled the waterfall up his nose. Releasing a shaking cough and pounding a fist into his chest. Steven sat across from him, leaning against the wall as he mashed away at the joystick.

"Connie is back," Steven said after an hour's worth of silence.

"Oh?" Lars wheezed, "Have you talked to her?"

"Yea. Sorta."

Lars never disliked Connie but he remained on Steven's end of the blade. That's what good friends did.

"Steven, you don't seem excited," He laughed into his hand.

"I'm not, but I'm also not upset either."

"Why would you be? You didn't do anything."

Steven pressed paused and dipped his hand in a bag of cheeto puffs, "Exactly."

Another silence followed and Lars found himself laughing at the past. Who would have ever thought that he'd be hanging out with Steven? Who would've thought that they actually had too many things in common? He took another drag of his cigarette before passing it off for Steven to finish it.

"Are you hungry?" He asked. Sitting up to stretch.

"Pizza sounds nice. Especially if you're paying, Lars."

"Yea. It does," Lars grimaced as Jenny's smiling face struck him like lightning.

x

x

Jenny scrambled between empty tables. Sliding the mop across the tile floors. Her mind skipping off into the deep end of her melancholy. Sunken treasures of sadness at the floor of sorrow. _I think this is what they call depression_ – she thought sourly. Tightly gripping the handle. Her fingers sticky with sweat and detergent.

What had she really been doing for the past years? As a baby crept into her sister's stomach? Where the hell had her mind been?

She was missing something and looked for it viciously. It shook her with unquenchable anxiety.

Depression. When did she decide that her sadness was normal?

There were three taps on the door and her soul leaped from her body. She whipped around, her earrings caressing her cheeks.

It was Lars and for some odd reason her heart sunk into her stomach. Butterflies lined the walls of her insides. She dropped the mop and scrambled to unlock the door. Her fingers looping around the door handles, and when she clicked the lock, she swung the door wide open. The bell whistling just a fierce as her state of mind.

Her mouth opened but she could not construct a proper sentence. And he noticed, which was even more embarrassing.

"That offer didn't have an expiration date? Right?"

"Uh. No. It's still valid."

x

x

And with the steaming pepperoni, cheese, peppers– she passed her phone number in his hands like a poorly kept secret.

"If you ever wanna talk, ya know?" Often she got lonely. It didn't matter if he said little or nothing at all; sometimes she liked to ramble. Because she loved words and talking about nothing. Jenny loved the way her emotions sound when they collided and beat against each other. Stringing together a pearl necklace of this that and the third. She could think up, fathom, divulge, articulate a million different ways that illustrate, paint her sadness. She could expound upon her love and combust into fits of anger...

And she wouldn't expect him to say a single word. Nor regurgitate similar sentiments. She knew she was a clumsy mess...

"Yea," He lingered, but that was ok. She could take a hit of rejection in the stomach. It wouldn't be the first. It probably wouldn't be the last.

"I gotchu," Lars gifted her with the ghost of smile.

* * *

 _ **"The saddest truth is realizing you have fallen madly in love with what can never be." ~ Michael Faudet**_


	9. Chapter 9

x

x

Empty rooms became less scary when Pearl decided that solitude was a prettier variable juxtaposed to madness. She stopped confusing silence for anger. Fists no longer reminded her of war, because Steven taught her how to catch fireflies in her hands. With closed fingers.

Promises were just promises. Not meant to be mistaken for lies.

No one was out to get her.

And empty rooms no longer resembled prison.

x

x


	10. Chapter 10

Steven thought he had forgotten the sting of disappointment. And what was worse? He wasn't quite sure _how_ or _why_ he felt so dejected. He was right to be mad at Connie, but for some odd reason...deep deep down in his subconscious, he paved an avenue that led towards the shining beacon of his guilt.

 _Why do I feel so guilty?_

He asked himself.

He asked the _ghost_ of Rose as he kicked his penny board down the street.

His thoughts coasted with at the horizon until he rolled up towards Greg's van. Per usual, the car wash was barren of people, aside from one car, but full of warm hope. It was like stepping into a bubble and discovering the sweet discourse chattering dreams – little whispery breaths of happiness despite the past.

"Dad," Steven called out. _With less enthusiasm each and every day_. He followed the music behind the wide open glass door. Stepping off his board. As the music swelled, so did the laughter of two voices. Greg was talking to someone who's voice was gone under the bridge of happy song.

"Dad!" Steven was now inside with his fists in his pocket. There stood Greg leaning over the counter sharing a secret or tip with Connie.

"Steven! Look who's back home!" Greg drummed his fingers along the counter with a bright smile.

Steven said nothing and Connie shrunk in size. Her eyes hiding under the fall of her bangs.

"Yep. I'm back definitely," She muttered.

"I knew that," Steven pointed.

"Thanks Mr. Universe. My dad should be pleased," Connie collected herself. Passing Steven and cutting through the song with the soft thuds of her sandals.

Steven and Greg stood in silence until she pulled out of the parking lot. The car windshield still wet, but swallowing the blinding sunlight. Connie sped off . The CD began to skip and Greg hurried to shut off the stereo.

"Soooo what was that about?"

"What was what about, Dad?"

"Something something...about forgiveness?" Greg vanished behind a row of boxes.

" _Dad_. Time changes things. You should know that better than anyone."

"People don't change. Their circumstances do."

"Well her _circumstance_ has nothing to do with me."

Greg dropped one box down, revealing a smug grimace. His brow darkened with disappointment. A look that would forever reflect _'I raised you better than that'_. Steven recoiled only a little.

"You know we miss out on a lot being bitter, Steven. I'm pretty sure there are some things I could've been better at. I've made a lot of decisions that I don't want to live with, but I'm not upset about it..." Greg exhaled and rubbed his stubby fingers along his pants.

"One day, if you decide to just be upset about it forever...one good day you're gonna look back and feel stupid for letting your pride get the best of you...Listen to your old man."

* * *

 ** _"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. "~ Paulo Coelho_**


	11. Chapter 11

Gut feelings. Pure instincts.

Whichever it was, it always killed the cat. But danger liked to fill the wound of Sadie's absence. Two girls here and there. Sometimes he would leave with a fistful of their broken hearts. So that he could bury them with all the good things he associated with a kiss, an embrace with.

Love was a disgusting concept that ruined his life.

 _"Lars, I just don't love you anymore."_

And every time he trapped another girl with his eyes, he replayed the curse she casted upon him.

 _"I've completely lost myself in you. We just can't..."_

Lars dug his phone from his pocket, reaching off the end of the bed for the greasy piece of paper Jenny have given him. The ink slightly faded away. He could only faintly make out the numbers, but hell it was worth the try. He wasn't doing anything better. Staring at the ceiling only made him feel more pitiful.

He took all that pain and injected it in three hard letters.

 **'Hey'** And he pressed the send button without a second thought.

Later he would just blame Steven for not answering the phone.

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"Who would've thought..." Kiki absently rubbed her belly. Sifting through thirty different channels. Back and forth.

"Who would've thought what?" Jenny sprawled her legs out on the floor, resting her back against the couch.

"That I'd end up being someone's mother..."

"Who would've thought it would take Ronaldo this long to make popcorn. Honestly...you lucked out of the capable husbando department," Honestly, Jenny was just jealous. And they both knew that.

"He's alright," Kiki smiled, sinking further into the cushion.

"He's an idiot," Jenny coughed and her phone vibrated between her thighs.

Ronaldo's voice boomed from the kitchen and as a dutiful wife, Kiki waddled to his aid.

Jenny lost herself in the banging of her pride against her heart, staring at the bright screen for an eternities worth of anxiety. Muddling over what to say...because she never expected anything from Lars.

And the thought of simple Lars. Rude. Peevish. Asshole. Lars...Her stomach growled...

x

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 **'Hey'**

 **'Watz up'**

 **'Bored'**

 **'Same'**

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 **'Come over'**

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* * *

 _ **"The quietness of his tone italicized the malice of his reply.**_ _ **"~ Truman Capote**_


	12. Chapter 12

x

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 _ **Sometimes people get it right the first time.**_

 _While choosing the pair of socks he was going to wear that day, love hit Ronaldo like a bullet to the brain. Shattering his skull. And the moment he figured it out, he shoved his feet into untied shoes and scrambled down a flight of stairs._

 _And he wasn't sure if he even deserved that kind of reciprocation._

 _But it was worth a try. Ronaldo Fryman wasn't a quitter. He was a graceful loser at best with a lot of passion. His feet pounded against the concrete. In sync with his heart beat. Sweat built up in his shirt and his armpits were sticky. Despite breath leaving his body, he wore a big smile. Welcoming the gap that was filling his lungs, because he had figured it out first. And she couldn't hold it over his head._

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	13. Chapter 13

Before Kiki had time to register the hard thuds of Jenny's feet against the carpet, there was popcorn scattered. The bowl toppled over in Ronaldo's arms. She opened her mouth to speak, but Jenny was gone faster than a spring shower.

"Welp," Kiki stopped holding her breath, "So much for sisterly bonding."

"So you haven't told her?" Ronaldo scowled down at the mess.

"No. I haven't. Have you told anyone?"

They both shared bleak stares and silence. Kiki's lips curled whenever the water was too heavy to carry and Ronaldo's palms had a tendency to sweat.

"One day right?" Ronaldo left the popcorn on the floor and sauntered towards the back room.

x

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The bike ride there and the long wait before calling him inspired a cruel epiphany. A part of her knew exactly what she was stepping into. Both of them knew and Lars didn't chance the effort in speaking _**why**_.

The _**why**_ did its job in filling up the corner of the room. A bright pink elephant of what later could be humiliation. For what other reason would Lars invite her over in the evening? Boys. Men. They never made time for talk. _From all of what she knew_. From the moment he answered the door and she stepped into a lonely house. With scattered soda cans and boxes. Lars was shirtless and he seemed taller. Or her mind was swimming in the dark recession of subconscious.

"What's it like living alone?" It was the first thing she could think to say.

"Quiet," He replied breathily, and Jenny decided that she liked the way his muscles relaxed. His abdomen loosened as though he had been holding his breath under water. The ripples expanding.

"So it's really just you here now, Lars?"

"Yea. My parents gave me the house...they moved to Charm City."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"Cos," He shrugged and gently patted his stomach, walking towards the kitchen. Because Sadie was still here at the time. In his house. Some of her things still neatly hidden under the piles of his stuff.

Jenny hesitated but followed him, stepping over the clutter. Only mildly perturbed by the mess.

"When was the last time you cleaned up?" She sniffed.

"You didn't have to come over."

"You didn't have to invite me."

Lars picked an energy drink from his fridge. Snapping it open with his eyes hooking onto hers. Jenny's hands were shoved in her pockets and her shoulders were tense. She was trying to anchor her spirit to the Earth. With her hard headedness and vanity. Her toes curling in her sandals as she secured pride.

"Why do you care?" He finally spoke after a long gulp.

"It says a lot about your state of mind."

And on the edge of that statement, Lars stepped around the table with no chairs. Standing a whole foot taller than her. He lingered over her, taking one more sip of his drink before releasing a soft burp.

"What does it say?"

"You don't have your shit together."

His lips broke into a frown, but he nodded. As though he were conceding. He tossed the half finished can into the bin, fixing all of his attention onto her.

"Yep, you're right. I don't."

"I mean...I don't either. I just hide it better."

 **First** , there was a silence that emphasized the elephant in the room. Jenny kept irrelevant small talk secured behind her teeth.

 **Then** , she allowed him step through the very thin walls of her not so big world. His palms at her cheeks, his cold fingers breaking the glass of her imagination, and his lips tasted like that familiar kind of sadness that sent the paper butterflies in her stomach asunder. She curled her back for his arms because it had been a long time. Maybe two years since she's been away.

But all that mattered was that Lars smelled good and his skin was surprisingly soft.

x

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 _ **What am I doing here?**_

She thought as her shirt slipped over her head.

* * *

 **"It was love at first sight, at last sigh, at ever and ever sight."~ Vladimir Nabokov**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I usually don't care about negative reviews. I accept all of my reviews regardless of how scathing they are, but I would like to make it very clear that I write for myself. This is cathartic for me and I'm sorry if it seems like I've 'fooled' anybody into reading my drabbles. If you aren't happy with my ships or story, there are a million others meant to cater to you.**

* * *

 _Rose embodied an awareness that only existed in a poet's imagination–only familiar to novellas. To Greg, she seemed to wade through his reality. Which had been devoid of a spring like sense until now. Up until the very moment she blessed him with her presence._

 _"How do you know when you're in love?" She asked him. Despite how much space she filled, when she couldn't convey a feeling, she would shrink in size like a wind kissed flame. Which made her seem just as normal as the many women who used to smile at him._

 _"It feels kinda like being struck by lightning!"_

 _"Well that sounds painful."_

 _"Sometimes it's like that," He shrugged his shoulders. The grip on his guitar loosening as began to doubt his confidence._

 _Rose sat up straight. Her curls falling around her shoulders. Spilling down her arms as she patted at her body. First her stomach, then her chest, her legs, and lastly she gently pulled at her cheeks._

 _"I don't seem to be in any pain," She was sincere in her wide eyed curiosity._

 _"So who are you in love with?" Greg smiled. His chest rattled with tiny feelings and a loud fear. Like the fear of falling in his dreams even though he never actually hits the ground._

 _Her fingers sprawled across her face as she hid her smile behind her palms._

 _And Greg knew her through what she reflected in her eyes. She didn't have to say anything at all._

 _"Gee, Rose. I love you too..."_

* * *

 _ **"Her voice is still pitched high, thanks to her youth, but it has a certain incipient darkness to it, a low richness that will mature in the coming years to the smoky tones of a priestess or a queen - a woman of great natural power." ~Libbie Hawker**_


	15. Chapter 15

First came denial, then acceptance snuck under her feet. And Connie had gotten used to the calm before the storm. She could damn near reach out and pluck the silver lining from the sky. That's how clear her mind had been for awhile.

She was Ok with the idea of no Steven.

It wasn't so bad. He was one person...

 _But an idle mind is the devil's workshop._

And that crack sprawled itself until she broke into a million tiny pieces.

Anger tangled in the arms of grief blew in through her window that morning.

All it took was some nerve and a phone call.

Socks that didn't match and uncombed hair.

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 _And somewhere along the way she picked up the remaining bits of her dignity._

x

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It wasn't a particularly hot day, but sweat drenched Steven's brow as he scrubbed away at Greg's van. Something he had promised to do a long time ago, but the older Steven got, the harder it was to keep a promise. _Why it was that way_? He wasn't quite sure, but the longer he thought about it, the more suds he sopped onto the windshield.

Pearl, for once, didn't have the answer to his bad mood.

Amethyst encouraged him to take it out on the fake things they fought.

Garnet's wisdom would only get lost in her desire to remain taciturn.

Peridot's cadence wasn't smooth enough to digest...

And he couldn't blame them for not understanding. They weren't _human._ But _human_ had lost its meaning under the stars a long time ago.

"Steven!" Connie's voice ripped through the humming of the water hose. Steven recoiled at her shriek, but continued to busy himself with the sponge against the window. Closing his eyes and hoping that she would vanish if he ignored her long enough.

Connie's feet plopped through the puddles. Soaking her pink and yellow socks. Drenching her star printed pajama pants.

"Steven! We are talking! Right now!" She stomped and that was enough for Steven to consider pointing the hose at her.

"About what, Connie?" He drawled, the water spraying at his feet.

"You being a huge asshole!"

"What if I don't want to talk...?" Steven's arms unwound like a broken clock. And he remembered what he disliked the most about Connie. Everything had to be her way. She wasn't selfish, but her anxiety always lassoed him in to things he could never really answer. He still didn't have the answers.

"Then we'd never talk if it were up to you," Her tone subsided.

"Last time I checked it was your idea. Not mine."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"That's not how things work. I work on my own time. Not yours. For once!"

Where Connie lacked in words, the sound of the water running eased the painful emptiness between them. Her shoulders fell and her eyes fell to the wet pavement. Steven's breathing quickened. His nostrils flared and he sucked on his bottom lip as he chased after a thought. It wasn't like him to be this stubborn. He hadn't been aware of just how hurt he had been.

And Steven thought to himself _– funny how time doesn't necessarily heal. We just force ourselves to forget._ Maybe Greg had said something similar...

"The first step is awareness," Connie finally spoke. Tears lining her vision. The wet ground faded into a glistening blur. Her throat swollen and hot. She stiffened. Like all the times he had remembered her feeling defeated. Connie crumbled into a soft cry that stirred five memories.

"I thought it was acceptance..." Steven whispered.

"Same difference," She shrugged.

Steven tossed the sponge into a bucket. Stepping over the water hose and scooping her up into his arms. And she reciprocated immediately as though her arms were the absolute conclusion to the lingering mystery of their future. The future of everything above and beneath them. Inside and out. Steven noticed how differently she smelled, the weight she had gained, and he missed the length of her hair cascading around his elbows. While he muddled over all of her small and big differences, Connie drank how much he had stayed the same.

x

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 _"I sorta kinda think that I might be in love with you..." Connie grimaced. Picking away at her hamburger._

 _Steven erupted into a laugh and strangled on his soda._

 _"It's really not funny," She crossed her legs and looked away. Her eyes were hidden beneath the glare of her glasses._

 _"You said it like it was a bad thing!" He beat at his chest._

 _"Well you haven't said it back either."_

 _"I shouldn't have to."_

* * *

 ** _"You occupied my space. But because you were not in my present, when I looked into my future I saw . . . nothing. Isn't that sad? And stupid?"~ Jerry Spinelli_**


End file.
